When I came back on staff I was still fresh from my dream experience. I had nothing but high hopes and honestly couldn't wait to get back here and get started. After having no missions experience, outside of my 5 month time with YWAM I had just completed, I made a two year commitment right at the start. That was easy! I knew only good things about this place, rightly so because the staff in my school made it look easy which is a testament to how good they were because this is far from easy. A couple months in I extended my commitment to 3 years because our system was changing and I was still in honeymoon land where things were going well. This was still an easy choice because although there were some bumps in the road I was still too hung up in my honeymoon phase to really understand what I had just signed up for, probably a really good thing. The real kicker comes about a year later. I started to realize this life is a lot harder than the pictures made it look. I found out real quickly what it meant to trust the people around me. I realized that just because I'm a staff member doesn't mean I don't have crap in my life God is wanting to deal with and reveal. It means even more that He's bringing things to the surface and holding me to higher accountability. After all, you can't give what you don't have. I can't speak truth over students if I don't believe it for myself. I can't speak truth about God if I'm not willing to surrender my all and trust Him. It was definitely a process that I don't believe has gotten any easier. I've simply grown to understand the meaning behind choosing to trust the people around me. I must admit that on several occasions I almost became a part of that beginning statistic. Times get hard, living with people 24-7 gets tiring, dealing with my own crap as well as other's gets old, conflict with those around me is uncomfortable, not being with my family sucks, lack of convenience gets irritating, and the list goes on. I realized though I can either choose to focus on all the hard stuff or I can take a step back and focus on what God has surrounded me with.
He has provided for me in so many ways. One of the biggest ways is in the addition of family members. He's put me in a place surrounded by people who truly love me. No, they don't and can never take the place of my blood family, but living and doing life with these people here on staff with me makes those hard days more bearable and exciting. I know that if I'm having a hard day I can go to anyone and ask for prayer or to hang out or even just cry with them. They get it. They've been and are there. They understand what it feels like to be so hot that the back of our knees sweat and that's just a normal day here! They understand what it feels like to be so irritated with someone but love them wholeheartedly at the same time. They understand what it's like to leave the house at 6AM knowing you aren't going to be returning to it for another 16-17 hours. They understand truly what it means to fight day in and day out for someone. They understand how annoying and tiring it is to simply go to town and get groceries. They get what it's like to eat crunchy rice for dinner because students don't know how to cook it. They get how aggravating it is when the power goes out and we have to wash all of our dishes in the ocean. They get how it feels to continuously press into a student and finally have that breakthrough moment with them. They understand how huge it is when God brings revelation into our own lives. And although I hate to admit it, they probably understand me more than I do sometimes!
I am coming to realize that when I chose to be here I chose to not only say yes to God but I chose to say yes to those around me. I chose to lay down my life, my wants for these people who chose the same thing. I chose to love and trust them even when I don't want to. Simply put I chose to love God, love others, and then love myself. It's no wonder the statistic is so high because the enemy loves nothing more than to divide and conquer. He doesn't want us to succeed in our relationships because he realizes that's how God created us. We were created by Community for community. We weren't meant to do this life alone. We are called to love each other and bring out the best in each other. I am still learning how to do this. There are days when I allow my own wants and flesh to get in the way of loving, but I am quickly reminded I'm not here to please myself. I may be partial but I believe YWAM DP has one of the greatest staff teams around and I am so thankful God has allowed me to be a part of that for another two years!
Bottom two photo credit to Ian Christmann: Click Here